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If the flood had happened today...

The Lord had given Noah one year to complete construction of the Ark.  That time had passed and God finds Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

LORD: Noah, Where is the ark?

NOAH: Lord, forgive me!  I did my best, but there were some serious problems:

When I applied to get a building permit, Your plans did not comply with the local building code, so I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans.

I got into a fight with OSHA on whether the ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices or not.

My neighbor said that I was violating the zoning ordinance by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to apply for a variance from Planning, Building & Zoning and that ambition required a special meeting with the Zoning Board.

Procuring enough wood for the ark was nearly impossible, since there is a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.  I did convince the Forest Service that the owl would be saved aboard the ark, but Fish & Wildlife won't allow me to catch the owls.

The carpenters union went on strike and I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union.

During the animal round-up, I was sued by an animal rights group for conspiring to save only two of each animal when they wanted me to take ALL of the animals aboard.  I got the suit dismissed, but the EPA blocked me again; until I could file an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood.  The EPA became quite incensed that they had no autocratic jurisdiction over the Creator of the Universe.

The Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan, so I sent them a globe.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is suing me for not taking other Human's aboard.

Yesterday, the IRS seized my assets, claiming that I built the ark in order to flee the country to avoid paying taxes, and I received a State tax notice today, accusing me of failing to register the ark as a "recreational water craft."

Just minutes before You arrived, the ACLU petitioned the court to issue an injunction against me claiming: "Since 'GOD' is flooding the earth, it constitutes a religious event, and is therefore unconstitutional."

It will take me at least another 5 or 6 years to get this ship finished!

[The sky begins to clear, the sun begins to shine, a rainbow arcs across the sky and Noah sees this as a good sign.]

NOAH: You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?

LORD: No, I don't have to. The government already has.