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> Horn broken. Watch for finger.
> Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
> All generalizations are false.
> Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.
> I brake for no apparent reason.
> Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
> I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
> Visualize using turn signals.
> We have enough youth -- how about a fountain of Smart?
> He who laughs last thinks slowest.
> Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.
> It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
> Auntie Em,  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.
> Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
> Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
> I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
> Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.
> Forget the Joneses, we keep up with the Simpsons.
> Born free...Taxed to death.
> The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
> Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
> Rehab is for quitters.
> I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
> Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
> All women are idiots, and I married their Queen.
> Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
> Montana: At least our cows are sane!
> I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
> Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
> If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
> Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
> IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
> Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.

> Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
> Pride is what we have.  Vanity is what others have.
> A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
> Reality?  Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
> How can I miss you if you won't go away?
> Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
> Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
> We are born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then things get worse.
> Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
> Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
> Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
> Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
> Puritanism:  The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
> Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.
> i souport publik edekashun.
> Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.
> Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
> There are 3 kinds of people:  those who can count & those who can't.
> Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
> Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
> When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
> Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
> No radio - Already stolen.
> Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
> Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
> I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
> Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
> OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
> Few women admit their age;  Fewer men act it.
> I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
> Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off NOW.
> It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
> According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.